The Details of Judah's Condition and Care

Since Charity Air Ambulance posted Judah's story, we've gotten a lot of messages, especially from other parents of Potter's Sequence children, asking how Judah is being cared for. I thought I would post something then that explains it in detail so we can hopefully answer all the questions.

Firstly, Judah's condition is called Potter's Sequence, previously called Potter's Syndrome, with the specific type being bilateral renal agenesis (BRA), or the absence of kidneys. The building blocks for kidneys are developed in the first 28 days of gestation and begin working during the 14th week and take over the production of amniotic fluid from the placenta. This is where Potter's turns deadly. Without the amniotic fluid, the babies suffer deformities and their lungs fail to develop, making it impossible for them properly breathe and oxygenate their bodies once the umbilical cord is cut. They die of respiratory failure before they die of kidney failure. Potter's Sequence can come in various different forms, including having kidneys but the kidneys aren't functional for one reason or another. Potter's occurs in 1 in 4000 births and is usually 100% lethal. Up until 3 years ago, there were no survivors. Then one set of courageous parents decided to try and do something about it and set in motion the treatment that led to our Judah surviving so far.

The first step in Judah's care was the placement of an amnioport in my abdomen to deliver normal saline into the amniotic sac three times a week to help him grow and develop his lungs. We had to travel to Cincinnati for this because, to my knowledge, only three hospitals in the U.S. will do amnioinfusions willingly without being pushed. Because they puncture the sac, I leaked fluid throughout my entire pregnancy following the surgery, had contractions if I got out of bed for more than using the bathroom or going to appointments, and went into premature labor twice. His prenatal care, in relation to his postnatal care, was relatively simple. He was born at 33 weeks and 3 days gestation after my water broke and we could no longer do infusions or stop labor.

Judah being intubated right after birth

When Judah was born he didn't cry but he did try to breathe. They intubated him when he was five minutes old and managed to get him stable enough to take him from the operating room (he was a C-section) to the NICU. Following his birth he was given a chest tube for a pneumothorax and then transferred to Cincinnati Children's Hospital (he was born at a different hospital since CCH currently doesn't have a labor and delivery floor). His blood pressure was extremely low when he was born and the doctors said they "threw everything and the kitchen sink through his UVC line" to get his blood pressure up. Once they considered him a pulmonary survivor (at three days old), they did surgery at his bedside (because he was too unstable to move to the OR) to place a hemodialysis (HD) catheter in his neck and a peritoneal dialysis (PD) catheter in his abdomen. They tried a gentler form of hemodialysis called aquapheresis first but his blood pressure immediately crashed and they had to take him off of it. They waited another day or so and then started him on PD. This gave him enough time to come down off his blood pressure medications (he had been maxed out) enough that when his PD catheter ultimately became ineffective because of leaking, they were able to do aquapheresis again and give him good enough nutrition to heal his PD surgery site.

Judah's problem list at birth included bilateral renal agenesis, small lungs, low blood pressure, pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure only in the lungs), two hernias (common in preemies), and a pneumothorax. He was on dialysis, nitric oxide therapy (pulmonary hypertension), flolan (pulmonary hypertension), epinephrine and vasopressin (low blood pressure), a ventilator, a chest tube, and TPN (total parenteral nutrition - basically IV nutrition) and lipids for his food. He was extubated at 2 1/2 months and off all the IV meds except the nutrition over that period of time as well.

Judah on his due date

He remained on PD for around 3 1/2 months until his PD catheter became clogged and they had to do surgery to fix it and then surgery again 2 days later when it stopped working again and they had to replace it with a bigger one. Following those two surgeries they put him on hemodialysis for 3 days (surgery recommended 2 weeks) and he didn't tolerate it well so we had to go back to PD. Just before Christmas he was transferred to Texas Children's Hospital which was back home for us. Following his transfer home, he developed a hernia at one of the surgery sites and began leaking PD fluid. He was then put back on hemodialysis for 2 weeks until he developed peritonitis (assumed - we never found anything on the cultures) at which point his blood pressure got so low that he had to be put back on medication for it - this time dopamine and epinephrine. He also had to be re-intubated because he was breathing too fast and hard and they were worried he would wear himself out. They put him on another form of dialysis called continual renal replacement therapy (CRRT) which is a gentler form of hemodialysis that runs 24/7. He is staying on that currently until they can get him back off the blood pressure medications and get him more stable. The issue with CRRT is it can be very dangerous to start them on the machine (example - Judah coded by dropping his heart rate the 3rd time they tried to start him on it) but once they are on it is very safe and gentle.

Judah's first Iron Bowl (We shout War Eagle)

Judah's current problem list is bilateral renal agenesis, small lungs, low and high blood pressure, peritonitis, respiratory failure, and resistance to sedation. He is on CRRT, dopamine and hydrocortisol (low blood pressure), fentanyl and versed (sedation and pain management), antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals (covering their infection bases), TPN and lipids, a ventilator, saline mixed with heparin to keep one of his PICC lines open, and a warmer (CRRT drops the body temperature). Before getting sick, he was only on TPN, lipids, fortified breast milk (for more calories), hemodialysis, and 7L high flow nasal cannula.

His ultimate goal is to get him onto a dialysis cycler that he can go home on. He will then have to be pretty isolated (renal babies are extremely susceptible to infection) until he reaches 20lbs (around 2 years of age - it's hard for renal babies to gain weight because of fluid restriction) at which point he can receive a kidney transplant. He will then be on immunosuppressants for the rest of his life to help keep him from rejecting the kidney and will need another transplant in 15-20 years under current technology.

How It Works: Peritoneal Dialysis

There has also been some confusion as to how it is exactly that peritoneal dialysis works. Without getting too technical it's basically the following:
A catheter is surgically inserted into the peritoneal cavity, a spot between your abdominal wall and your organs that contains many, many blood vessels. Once the site has been allowed to heal (which isn't usually the case with babies) for 1-2 weeks per the surgeon's recommendation, it can be used for dialysis. With this type of dialysis no blood has to leave the body so there is less risk for infection (of the blood at least) and it is less draining and stressful to the body. PD runs in cycles - fill, dwell, and drain. I am not aware how long it takes to dwell in adults, but with Judah it would be 30-45 minutes to dwell with 10 minutes to drain and typically 2-5 minutes to fill. The fluid used for PD is a special type of sugar and salt water specially prescribed by the nephrologists based on the electrolyte and fluid balance needs of the patient. The peritoneal cavity is then filled with dialysate using an amount prescribed. Judah started at 20mL because of how tiny he was and we had worked our way up to 50mL before his most recent leaking. The goal for him is 150mL before he can go on a cycler, move from the NICU to the renal floor and from there work on going home. Once the cavity is filled, it dwells for 30-45 minutes, depending on how many cycles you want to get in per day. Since the fluid put in has no toxins in it and the blood does, the toxins and extra electrolytes and fluid are pulled into the peritoneal cavity through diffusion (toxins) and ultrafiltration (water). When the cycle is up, the stopcock on the tubing is turned to drain and the fluid drains out over 10 minutes. You want to get out the same amount or more than you put in and output is carefully measured. The cycle is then repeated. This is done manually by a nurse 24/7 until a high enough volume is reached for the cycler to work at which point dialysis can be done over 12 hours and the patient can live a relatively normal life during the other 12 hours.

Hopefully this helps explain things for anyone who is curious and helps anyone who may be looking for help for their recent diagnosis of Potter's in their baby. This post will become updated with his treatment as time goes on.


Judah passed away at 11:04am on February 25, 2017 after taking a sudden turn for the worst. We're still unsure what caused him to get so sick so quickly but we know he is healed and happy in Jesus' arms and we are looking forward to the day that we see him again.

Behind Our Baby's Name

I've had a lot of people ask me why it is we chose our son, Judah's, name, and also why we gave him such a long name. Before we knew he was going to have problems, we had such a hard time picking a name for him. I was really hoping for a girl for two reasons - 1) I grew up with only little sisters and didn't have a lot of experience with boys and 2) I had the perfect name picked out for a little girl that I was absolutely in love with. When we found out we were having a boy it started a long running disagreement between me and my husband about what name to give our baby. We went through literally hundreds of them. I wanted something softer like Liam or Oliver and he wanted something strong and manly (insert tons of unpronounceable Scottish names here). While we were visiting my husband's family in Georgia when I was around 18 weeks pregnant, his sisters were reading off names out of a baby book that his mom had used before he was born and two names finally gave me pause - Asher and Judah. Asher was more of a middle name to my husband so Judah became our frontrunner. However, a couple of weeks later, we were given the bad news that something was wrong with our son and naming him went on the back burner and we just kept calling him by his nickname that we had been using for him from the beginning - Baby Bean.

Fast forward 13 weeks and we were told on an August morning that they could no longer stop my labor and we were having a baby that day. We had four names that we loved but hadn't narrowed down to two so when I asked my husband what were going to name our baby he said without hesitation, "Judah Nathaniel Oliver Beorn." And it just felt right. The nurse came in a few minutes later and said she was trying to make name bands for the baby and asked his name. Again, without hesitation, we answered, "Judah." And each of his names has a special meaning behind it.

Judah
In Genesis 29, Jacob marries two wives - Leah, after being tricked into it by her father, and Rachel whom he actually loved. We are told that God sees that Leah is unloved and takes pity on her by giving her sons while her sister remained childless. With her first three sons, Leah gives them names that reflect how God has given her children and not her sister. But when she gives birth to her fourth son she says, "This time I will praise the Lord." And she names him Judah, which means "praise." Even though I just liked the sound of the name Judah, this verse was what solidified it for me. Judah is actually our second child, with us having lost the first to a miscarriage at 8 weeks around three years ago. After my miscarriage I was very angry with God for taking my child away from me and for my life seemingly falling about afterwards. It took me a long time to lose that anger and even longer to get back to a point where I could trust God. So when I found out I was pregnant again I decided I was going to praise God for a second gift no matter what the outcome and while that has been so hard throughout this journey we've gone on so far, I just have to think about what Judah means and I am reminded of how good God has been to us so far.

Nathaniel
This is a name that is Greek but comes from a Hebrew word meaning "God has given." After I had my miscarriage I almost immediately wanted to try and have another child to try and heal my heart as well as "replace" what was lost (which is not the right thing to do when dealing with grief). However months and then years passed without us being able to have a child. We went to see a fertility specialist after two years of no luck. They weren't able to find anything that was obviously wrong so they wrote up a plan for us to start Clomid, a drug to help. We decided to wait a few months before starting, mostly because I was in nursing school and we wanted to make sure I would graduate before having a baby so we wouldn't have any conflicts but also because it wouldn't be covered by insurance and would cost $500 for every round we had to do so we wanted some time to save up for that specifically. However, two months before we were going to start, I found out I was pregnant all on our own and completely by accident. After 898 days, God had finally answered our prayers for a child so the name seemed appropriate to celebrate our journey to him and all the emotional ups and downs we had gone through to get there.

Oliver

This is a French baby name meaning "the olive tree." Of course because it's French my husband thought it was too girly and soft of a name. He also didn't want his son to have the same name as, according to him, "the grumpy Green Arrow." However, despite the fact that Oliver Queen is often brooding and going back and forth on his morals and direction in life, he is resilient and no matter how bad things get he continues to fight and keep moving forward no matter the situation which is something our baby desperately needs, especially during his harrowing first few weeks of life. In the Bible the olive tree also signifies fruitfulness and beauty, which to me is significant because of our infertility issues but also because a lot of times I need to be reminded of the beauty in the everyday things that come with having a baby in the NICU for an extended period of time.

Beorn
I remember a particular date five and half years ago when my husband and I were dating. We were in a long-distance relationship and I had traveled to Auburn, AL to attend my husband's graduation from college. We had gotten milkshakes from Chick-fil-A and were going for a walk in a nearby park and just talking about the future which of course, for both us, included children. My husband, half joking and half serious, mentioned how he wanted to name his children after Lord of the Rings characters. This mortified me, however, because of how, despite my mom's best efforts to give us names that no one could make fun of, I was still bullied in middle school for other things about my personality and lifestyle. This left a lasting mark for me and made me not want to make my children easy targets for other kids, which I felt one of those names could do. After a discussion about it, we came to our first compromise (that I can at least remember) of our relationship - I would have the final say on first names and he would have the final say on middle names. Because of this we decided we wanted our first boy's middle name to be Beorn, a character in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit who could turn into a bear. Beorn is also an Old English word for "a warrior, a hero, a man of valour" which, unknown to us, would be something our son would need to be to make it through life. And, from this middle name, also came my nickname for him, Judah Bear.

Overall we felt he needed some strong names to get him through what promised to be, if he survived birth, a harder life than any person should have to have. We also wanted it to reflect, however, God's love and promises and overall, his miracles, as our sweet boy is definitely one (only the fourth baby with his condition to survive and the first boy). Even though his name is long and kind of a mouthful, we believe it is the name he was meant to have and also has helped remind us that God requires our praise no matter the situation as well as his grace and
provision in this situation.

It takes a literal village to raise a NICU child and Judah has been no different with all his nurses and doctors and all the people who have prayed for him and sent him gifts and well wishes. We would not be where we are today without our village and ask that you continue to support him as we face our day-to-day challenges of not only keeping him alive but helping him to thrive.

How We Got Here: Baby Morgan's Story

As I changed into my scrubs that morning, I figured my life wouldn’t be any different. I would back up my backpack, head on campus, sit through a med-surg lecture, and then head to the campus library to study for the afternoon. But then my mind went back to that test sitting on my bathroom sink and my heart started pounding again. I wasn’t expecting it to be positive – for close to three years they had all been negative, leading us to head to doctor after doctor without much luck. I walked into the bathroom and picked up the test. Two lines. I couldn’t believe it. My husband and I, it seemed, were finally going to get the baby we had been praying for.

Not more than a week later, I was headed to the ER, crying and praying, hoping that I wasn’t having a second miscarriage. For the past several weeks I had been tired and nauseous and then that morning I had woken up with severe cramping and spotting. So instead of going to class that morning, I called my husband, who was on his way to work, and went on my way. At an ultrasound a few hours later, I saw my little tiny baby on the screen and heard his wonderful little heartbeat for the first time. Relief flooded over me. Later in the day we were told I had a subchorionic hematoma which was surrounding the baby, most likely from the baby suddenly becoming jolted and tearing away from the lining of the uterus. I was put on modified bed rest and told to follow up with my OB/GYN in a few days. When the OB confirmed it at my appointment the next week, I knew I would have to drop out of nursing school, but I didn’t care – I was more concerned with having a healthy baby. Unfortunately, I had no idea that that could never be the case.

A month passed and the hematoma cleared up, getting me off of bed rest. During that time my nausea had gotten worse and worse, leading to hyperemesis gravidarum, or severe morning sickness. At this point in my pregnancy I had now ended up with two conditions that only occur in 1-2% of pregnancies but the baby’s heartbeat was strong and each wave of nausea and bout of vomiting just made me even more reassured that my baby was okay and growing stronger and stronger. Another month passed and we held a gender reveal party that revealed we were having a boy. This wasn’t the outcome I was totally hoping for but mostly because I had grown up with younger sisters and didn’t have much experience with baby boys. But after the initial shock wore off, I got excited. I was in my second trimester and passed the threat of miscarriage and I felt like I could finally start preparing for our little guy’s arrival. We started buying baby clothes, including an Auburn University jersey when we visited my sister and her daughter in Auburn, AL (my husband’s alma mater). I started to feel him kick and bump around, with his favorite activity being to punch my bladder.

After visiting my sister, we drove a couple hours away to visit Brendan’s parents in Georgia. While we were there I got a call from my OB/GYN saying one of my lab tests was abnormal. The baby had been tested for spinal bifida via a blood test a few days before we left and it had come back with high alpha fetal protein, giving him a 1/110 chance of having a spinal cord defect. We set up an appointment with a maternal fetal specialist for the next week and my months of anxiety (unknown to me) began. We finally made it our 20 week ultrasound with the specialist. For those who don’t know, the 20 week ultrasound is much more in depth than other ultrasounds done previously to check on all the baby’s systems to make sure they are developing correctly. We sat with a genetic counselor first who asked us about our family histories and talked to us about how the high AFPs was most likely due to the bleed at the beginning of my pregnancy and, if not, we only had less than 1% of a chance that there was anything actually wrong with him.

As the ultrasound tech looked at our baby, I relaxed and just enjoyed seeing my baby. I didn’t suspect a thing. Then the doctor came in and told us she was very concerned about our baby. My heart started racing again. She said the baby had almost no amniotic fluid and she thought the baby didn’t have any kidneys. Then she found something that looked like a kidney and two renal arteries so she thought the problem most likely lay with the placenta but the lack of fluid made it hard to tell. She put me back on modified bedrest and scheduled an appointment for two weeks later, hoping that there would be more fluid and they could get better visualization to see what was going on.

Baby Morgan after his first fluid injection.
His facial features are flattened - a common indicator of Potter's

So began another two weeks of anxiety and desperate prayer on the part of my husband and me. When we got to our second appointment, my anxiety was through the roof. I couldn’t sit still and I felt constantly on the verge of tears. When the tech began his examination, all the hope I had been holding onto for the past two weeks disappeared. There was still no fluid and the baby was very compressed and hardly moving. When the doctor came in, she said as far as she could tell there was nothing wrong with the placenta and they couldn’t find any kidneys or renal arteries. She recommended that we prepare ourselves to lose our baby. I couldn’t believe it. After almost three years of prayer and believing we couldn’t have children on our own and being only a few months away from starting fertility treatment, we had gotten pregnant on our own. Now they were telling us that the pregnancy had been doomed from almost the very beginning and we hadn’t had any idea. I felt foolish for getting my hopes and buying baby clothes and a diaper bag. My pregnancy was only half over and it now felt like it had ended abruptly. The baby was still alive and I could feel him moving around but even that felt like a cruel reminder that I could never bring him home. Instead I would once again be childless, and the majority of the world would have no idea that I was a mother two times over because there would be no baby in my arms.

Later in the day, a close friend of mine, after hearing the news, sent me an article about the first baby to survive with no kidneys thanks to a couple of parents who were unwilling to give up on her and the willingness of several doctors to try some risky, experimental procedures in an attempt to save the little girl’s life. So we began to look into it. Johns Hopkins and the doctor who had worked with the first baby, got back to us and told us that they were no longer doing to the procedure. We had also talked to our doctor who gave us the name of another doctor who suggested we try Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, Stanford, and Colorado Fetal Center.  Cincinnati is actively running studies on amnioinfusion and babies with kidney abnormalities and told us they would try and set us up with appointments for an echocardiogram, an ultrasound, and an MRI to see if we were eligible for the treatment. Stanford told us they were working with Texas Children’s Hospital to get board approval to do amnioinfusion to begin their own version of the study and they would contact Texas Children’s to see if they would help. They said they would at least run the tests but had no guarantee that they could do the amnioinfusion.

Either way, if there wasn’t too much damage to the baby, they would then surgically implant an amnioport in my abdomen to deliver normal saline or lactated ringers (an IV solution) into the uterus once to three times a week to try and stimulate the baby’s lung development and keep them from developing too many skeletal and muscular deformities related to the lack of room babies with this condition, called Potter’s Sequence (specifically, in our case, bilateral renal agenesis), usually develop. Without the lung function, no care after birth is possible, since, of course, they can’t breathe. Most Potter babies die from respiratory failure within hours, if they survive birth at all. The goal then would be for the baby to remain in the womb until full term at which point they would deliver the baby and, assuming he had adequate lung function, start him on dialysis. This would require him to stay in the hospital after birth for at least six months to stabilize him on dialysis at which point he could finally come home and have nightly dialysis for the next year and a half, or until he reached a certain weight, at which point he could then receive a kidney transplant. Then, depending on the condition of his bladder, he would need a ureterostomy (where the ureters are attached to the abdominal wall and drain into a bag on the outside of the stomach) until he could have reconstructive surgery on his bladder at age 5.

Baby Morgan after 3 weeks of injections. He's happily
settled with his feet and hands covering his face.

Texas Children’s wasn’t able to get the approval because the board didn’t believe they had the resources to take care of a baby with no bladder. So, very much at the last minute, we bought plane tickets and flew to Cincinnati to begin the testing on the baby. We then spent the next few days getting an electrocardiogram, an ultrasound, an MRI and meeting with the many doctors it would take to care for our baby. Every other system checked out fine, with the exception of a slightly enlarged heart and a small cyst on his lung, both of which the doctors said weren’t really of any concern. After a lot of back and forth on our decision, we decided to go through with the surgery, which took place the next week. I then spent about a week and a half in the hospital in recovery and am now being seen three times a week on an outpatient basis.

We realize this is a long shot. We realize there’s not much hope for our son. But we are refusing to give up. We are believing that God can work a miracle with our little boy and bring him into the world where he will survive and flourish.

HEB Style Beef Fajitas

This is a favorite recipe in our house and is adapted from an HEB recipe. I changed it up a little bit and used beef instead of chicken and added in some veggies.

So here's what you'll need:

Hill Country Fare seasoned beef for fajitas
1/2 small yellow onion
1/2 medium red bell pepper
2 cups baby spinach
Texas Pepper Works candy-krisp jalapenos
4 tbs sour cream
8 flour tortillas


To create yumminess:

Cut the beef into slices, the width of your choice. I also cut off a lot of the fat (but not all) to lower the fat content.

 Slice the onion and red peppers. For the onion I cut it in half first, just to make the pieces smaller.

 Next brown the fajita meat over medium high heat. It took me about 15-20 minutes and they were cooked about medium well (how my husband prefers). You can use your own judgement in this area.

Now you can start to put together your fajita. If you want you can microwave your tortillas to make them easier to fold. I recommend about twenty seconds. Then add about a quarter cup of spinach.

Add your onions and peppers, according to your preference.

 Add some jalapenos. I did about four slices but you can do more or less. These can also be a tad on the spicy side so if you want something with less kick, try using sweet jalapenos instead of candied.

Add a dollop of sour cream and several strips of beef (any more than three narrow strips will cause some difficulty when wrapping the fajita).

Folding can be a little tricky. The easiest way I find to do is to move all the ingredients to one side of the tortilla then fold that end over, tuck in the corners and finish rolling.

And there you have it! I served ours up with a cup of strawberries each to get in our fruit. It makes for a quick, easy school night recipe that doesn't cost too terribly much in the calorie count. Enjoy y'all!

Beef Fajitas

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Total: 35 minutes

Ingredients: 

Hill Country Fare seasoned beef for fajitas, sliced
1/2 small yellow onion, sliced
1/2 medium red bell pepper, sliced
2 cups baby spinach
Texas Pepper Works candy-krisp jalapenos
4 tbs sour cream
8 flour tortillas

Instructions:
Brown the beef in a skillet over medium high heat for 15-20 minutes. Drain the juices and set aside. Microwave tortillas for 20 seconds. Place on working surface. Add spinach, onions, red peppers, jalapenos, and sour cream. Top off with beef and then roll the tortilla. Serve with fresh fruit.

Serves: 8 (one fajita each)
            4 (two fajitas each)

Calories: 290 per fajita

The Sacred Call to Mommyhood

My husband and I don't have any children. And we don't plan to for a bit, what with me still in school and wanting to be completely settled and able to take care of a child. That doesn't mean we won't fully embrace it when the day comes-it's quite the contrary actually. We can hardly wait for the day that we get to cradle in our arms a precious little miracle that we can call our own. To see the precious little toes, the small, innocent eyes and the button nose sets our hearts and imaginations running wild. Yet, despite how we feel, we've decided it's best to wait until our life settles down.

But how is it, that in our day and age, the prospect of "just being a mom" is severely looked down upon. Oh, well you'll never accomplish anything. But is that really true? The other night I was reading a Psalm before bed, like I always do, when I read a simple passage: "And he increased his people greatly; and made them stronger than their enemies." (Psalm 105:24) So simple a passage is filled with so great a meaning. Because would the people of Israel have increased in number so greatly had their women not chosen to "just be a mom"?

My mama and the second youngest, Eliana

Let's go back to the beginning. One of the first commandments given to Adam and Eve was to inhabit and fill the earth. If Eve had not chosen to bear every one of her children, this may not have happened. The global population would have grown quite slowly. The same was true for the wives of Shem, Ham, and Japheth. Once again the world was without people and once again it fell to them to refill the earth. 

Now, to move forward in Biblical history a bit. In the book of I Samuel, to a man named Elkanah. He had two wives. The first was Peninnah and she had born children for her husband although it doesn't state how many. The second was Hannah and she was childless. Now, for some, this might seem like an ideal situation. She was still a man's wife but she had no children to care for and could live how she pleased; her husband adored her and, apparently, doted on her. But all Hannah wanted was a child. You may say, why? She had it good! But I think what some people fail to understand is that having children is woven into the very being of woman-it is one of the greatest honors one could receive. It's one of the reasons women dominate the field of nursing; we are, by nature, caregivers. Hannah wanted a child so much and was so grieved that as she lay on the floor crying out silently to God, Eli the priest thought she was drunk. Hannah vowed to God that if He only gave her a child, she would return that child to Him to serve the Lord all his days. God granted her request and Hannah was given a son, Samuel, who would become one of God's great prophets. 

And, probably one of the most famous mothers in history, was Mary, the mother of Jesus. Now historians believe Mary to have been around 14 or 16 years old when she was pledged to Joseph as his betrothed. Under Israelite law, once betrothed a couple was essentially married; however, they were to remain apart for a year before they were officially man and wife. If it was discovered that this law had been broken, the couple would be punished and shamed. So put yourself in the place of young, frightened Mary for a moment. An angel is visiting her and telling her that she will bare a son, the Son of God. Now Mary, knowing the consequences of being discovered as being with child before her marriage, was well aware of the consequences. She would be tried for adultery, found guilty, and stoned to death. That is, unless, Joseph, her espoused, would come forward and claim the child as his own and not press charged against her. Only then would she be spared the stoning. With all this in mind, she was well within her rights to refuse. God, when He created man, wanted followers that wouldn't follow Him just because they had to-He wanted followers that would follow Him because they chose to. Hence the tree in the garden. He gave Adam and Eve a choice. So Mary could have very well said no and chosen not to be a mother and not to give birth to Son of God. 

Back from when we were just a family of six
and I was the baby of the family

And what if she had said no? Sure, God probably would've gone and found another girl who was more willing, but let's say He didn't. Let's say He simply decided to give up on humanity. What would the world look like today? The Crusades probably would've never happened and neither would the Catholic Church that, at one point, united the entire known world. But the biggest peice of it is that we most likely would not be living freely and happily in the good old USA. Sure, the land would've still been discovered. They had to go west at some point. Christianity was not the big motivator behind Columbus' voyage-it was money. But would America have been quickly populated? Most likely not. America, for the most part was populated by people looking for religious freedom as the battle between Catholism as Protestantism waged in Europe. Others still would have come, but probably not in quite so great a number. And America would've most likely still broken from England but not under the same declaration or constitution. For even though not all the Founding Fathers were Christians, they were all raised in that culture and it greatly influenced their politics. Therefore America, thanks to the willingness of a young girl named Mary, was founded on strong Christian principles that, for the most part, remain to this day.

So what's the point of this post? I merely wanted to remind women that being a mom isn't a bad thing, especially when it's all you do. Is it okay to still work and have kids? Sure. I'm not saying that being a working mom is necessarily a bad thing unless it's taking up all your time and someone else is raising your children (that's a whole other thing for a whole other time). But I'm simply trying to remind women that motherhood is a wonderful thing and not something to be looked down upon. God has given you a precious gift in the form of children and it's not something we should take for granted. In this world that tells us that we need to be strong career women and not let anything, even children, get in the way of that, I feel sometimes we just need a gentle reminder that "just being a mom" is a wonderful thing to "just" be. Especially for those stay at home moms that may feel inadequate because they sit at home wiping runny noses and cleaning up spit up all day instead of going out and climbing the corporate ladder. Because for all you know that child that you are investing so much time in could one day grow up to be a great doctor, leader, missionary or even, as so many Biblical women were, just another great mom. God's plan may not manifest itself for generations, like the birth of Christ through the obedience of Mary or even the birth of David generations after his ancestors Ruth and Boaz were married, but when it does, whether you see it with earthly eyes or heavenly ones, you will be so glad you chose to be "just a mom."

Our family at the time of my mom and stepdad's wedding 

365 Days of Wisdom

Photo by Betsy Weldy

My husband and I got married a little over a year ago. At the time we were all aglow with happiness and great expectations. We had no idea what challenges we would face, starting that very afternoon as we left for our reception. We were simply blissfully happy. Unfortunately, it didn't last too long.

Brendan hadn't been feeling well all day. His throat was sore and he was running a bit of a fever. But, like the awesome trooper that he is, he pushed through it and the wedding went on. I stressed all morning over flowers and arrangements and hair appointments and this and that as every bride probably does but finally calmed down when I arrived at our venue and got into my dress. Although not everything had gone according to plan, it was all working out thanks to the great and much needed support of the bridal party and our families. We got through the ceremony mostly without a hitch and made it to the reception. After working with our wonderful photographer to get some more group shots, we headed back inside for our first appearance as husband and wife. And that's when I started to not feel good. My throat was scratchy and I felt a bit lightheaded. My maid of honor (who doubles as one of the best older sisters ever) filled me up with water and food (both of which I hadn't had a lot of that day) and I thought nothing more of it. Then, that night, when we got to our hotel at the airport, both me and Brendan were so exhausted and so sick that we simply passed out into one of the worst night's sleep I've ever gotten. In retrospect, we probably had a really bad flu or (at least in my case) a nasty respiratory infection and should have stayed home. But, determined that all our plans would work out, we trudged forward, making a long 8 hour journey to Prince Edward Island where we spent the week laying on the couch in our cottage and watching Star Trek reruns.

I tell this story for a simple point-married life is going to turn out the exact opposite of what you think. You make plans and you have dreams and expectations and it all falls through. I'm not saying that it's a horrible, terrible thing; it's exactly the opposite. It's the best thing I have ever done in my life and I'm so, so, so happy that I get to do this for the rest of my days with the best man in the whole entire universe. But it's best to be prepared for what can go wrong and to learn to roll with the punches.

So I wanted to share with you all I learned in this first crazy, wonderful year of marriage. Whether you're single, dating, engaged, just married or have been married for five years or more, I feel this advice from a no-longer newlywed can help every single one of you.

1.Understand that you're both different. So you're now married. You're back from your honeymoon and for the first time you're living under the same roof. He's perfectly fine with a couch, a TV and a bed while she wants pictures on the wall, a dining room table, rugs, end tables, nightstands and things he totally doesn't understand. He just thinks about how much this is going to cost him. And then you argue. What a lot of couples fail to understand, I think, is that men and women are made to be completely different. She's more emotion-based. She wants pretty things and to make a house a home. He's more logic based. If he has a couch to sit on and a bed to sleep in then he's good to go. He doesn't need anything else. He doesn't understand his wife's want to bring in all this additional stuff. And it all gets lost in communication. Understanding and accepting the base of what a man is and what a woman is will go great lengths in helping you improve your marriage. For example:

A woman wants/needs:

• to feel secure/protected
• affection (both physically and emotionally, though primarily she needs the emotional connection)
• conversation (ties in with the previous; sometimes she just wants to talk)
• commitment
• financial support

On the flipside, a man wants/needs

• Respect
• Admiration
• A playmate (someone who will step and do things with him, side-by-side)
• Support
• Physical affection (think Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation")

I could go on and on with this subject (you probably don't want a post that long though) but I think you get my point. We are inherently different and we need to take time to learn those differences and act on them.

Photo by Lilac & Lemon Photography

2. Learn how to communicate. I can't stress how important this one is. And I think it's probably something we'll be working on for the rest of our lives. When Brendan and I were dating, we were doing so over a very long distance that only got longer. We started dating when he was in Alabama finishing up his bachelor's degree at Auburn University (War Eagle!). I was in my senior year of high school (don't worry, I was 18). Our communication, therefore, was all done electronically. Over the phone, over Facebook, texting, Skype, ect. for nearly two years. Over that period of time we visited each other five or six times and even then we only saw each other for around a week (sometimes more, sometimes less) at a time. And when we did visit each other we were almost always surrounded by family (not necessarily a bad thing) so we didn't really have much opportunity for long, just the two of us conversations. So when we got married, on a communication level, we were in some trouble. We didn't really know how to talk to each other face-to-face. So we would get into arguments over small miscommunications. And these arguments could last for hours. Through getting to know one another better and the help of our wonderful leaders in our Sunday school class, Newlywed or Close, we slowly made it through the awkwardness of not really being able to talk to each other without the help of technology to being able to better understand and better communicate. The best I advice I can give you on learning how to communicate is learn how to better understand each other. And from that comes better communication. The other bit of advice is find a couple that's been married for a good number of years and go to them for advice and counseling.

3. Date and have fun. During the first month or so of marriage, you're wrapped up in the joy of being newly married. You make plans and go on date after date. Even cuddling on the couch with a good movie and some popcorn can be a date. But then life catches back up with you. You go back to work and/or school, you end of with piles of undone laundry, dishes, and who knows what else because you just get so busy. Dating falls by the wayside. Sure, you'll try and go see that awesome new movie when it comes out but it'll probably just turn into a quick run to the theater and run back so you can get to bed on time to get up for work. Life so overwhelms you that you forget to make time for each other and you essentially turn into roommates. Sure, you're roommates with benefits but you're also roommates that sooner or later, are going to get into a fight over something because you're not taking the time to invest in your relationship. It doesn't take much really. Just go out and do something simple. Go for a walk. Go out to dinner and a movie. Go kayaking. Go to the beach. Go out for ice cream. Just do something fun where you can talk and reconnect after being so very, very busy with you separate lives. It can even be as simple as sitting down at your dining room table and having dinner together. It doesn't take much. Just go and make some memories.

4. Learn how to resolve your conflicts calmly. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. You are two completely different people. And if you always got along, you wouldn't need each other. Conflict in your relationship can do one of two things-it can push you apart or pull you closer to together. It all depends on how you handle it. On one hand you can yell and call each other names and attack each other until you're blue in the face or you can check yourself and decide to resolve your conflict. And to do that there are several rules you need to follow.

• Don't use words like "never" or "always". They say there is no hope that anything is going to change and make the argument almost pointless for the person on the other side.
• Don't name call. This only makes your spouse angrier and more hurt.
• Don't interrupt when your spouse is speaking.  Listen carefully to the problem and repeat it back to make sure you understand how they feel. Then it can be your turn to say how you feel.
• Own up to how you feel. Don't just attack your spouse by saying "you this" and "you that". Use "I" and own up as to why you are angry.
• Don't attack your spouse. Instead, attack the problem at hand. Attacking your spouse only hurts them more. Instead, work on the problem together, as a team.
• Ask each other for forgiveness. You can say "I'm sorry" and your spouse can accept it, but it doesn't really close out the argument. Instead, ask for forgiveness. It's a more proactive form of closure.
• "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." (Eph. 4:26) My mom used to quote this one to us as kids. And it's very true. Going to bed angry only helps to build up the resentment toward your spouse and makes it worse. Even if you have to stay up late, work out at least your anger before going to sleep. If you need to, resolve the conflict in the morning but get rid of the anger beforehand.

5. Take some time for yourself. I know this one may sound completely hypocritical given the speech I just gave you on taking time for each other, but sometimes you just need to be apart. Whether it's going to play football with your buddies or going on a spa date with your girlfriends, take some time to recharge yourself every once in a while. So take a fitness class, find some running buddies, go shopping, get your nails done, play some video games, go the hair salon, play some golf, or even just sit alone and read a book. Time by yourself or time with your friends can do wonders for the soul and can help you refresh and come back ready to continue working on your relationship with your honey.

6. Volunteer together. We haven't yet been able to find a ministry in which we would like to plant ourselves and volunteer in on a week-by-week basis. But we have been able to volunteer and help other people out before and since we got married. Volunteering is a great way to work on your teamwork and communication. Whether it's helping a friend move or handing out food boxes or helping with Sunday school, volunteering can help your relationship grow and flourish. It's also a great way to give back to the community and to minister to others about Christ.

Marriage is awesome. And my husband is the best, strongest and most wonderful man and I am so thankful God chose to bless me with him. But marriage is also hard. And like anything in life, unless you work at it, it will stagnate and fall apart. So I hope my hard earned wisdom will help you along and make your own journey a little bit easier. Because, genuinely, all we all want to do is to is have a beautiful marriage "until death do us part."

The Decline of Social Media

Social media frustrates me. And no, it's not because I'm anti-social or anything like that, it's because it's just become loaded with junk.

I joined Facebook back in 2008 (maybe?) but only at the urging of my husband (at the time we were just friends; he had recently left for college) and a friend in Michigan. For the longest time I only had two Facebook friends (eep!) and I was completely content in simply using it as an outlet to keep up with two of my friends. Then in 2009 I went on a missions trip and made a lot more friends (not that I didn't have friends, just not social media using friends) who then added me on Facebook. And as the years passed, I was more than happy to get on every now again, chat with Brendan or some other friends, flip through pictures and read what others had going on in their lives.

But more recently social media has become cluttered with link bait and shared "funny" pictures (some, I admit, are; others...eh, not so much). With the addition of smart phones, people were on social media more and more leading to status updates of what they had for lunch and selfies just because they stepped out their front door, got in their car or went to the gym. These sites that used to be so enjoyable are now just a nuisance. Every time I look at Facebook I cringe. Is this really what society has reduced itself to?

We need to come alive again. We need to let the social media go and live our lives without feeling as though we need our faces attached to the screen of our iPhones. It's gotten to the point where "if you didn't post it, it didn't happen" and "things aren't official until they're Facebook official." 

Now I'm not saying that social media is bad. It does a lot of good. Since most of my friends and family are located back on the East Coast and I now live in Texas, social media has helped me keep up with their lives. But every good has bad as well. If you aren't careful with what you post and your privacy settings, your identity can easily be stolen. And there's another thing that can be stolen-hours upon hours of your time. This time could better be spent with your children, with your spouse, with your friends, studying, working out, going on dates, or riding down a trail on horseback. But all of this is so much less enjoyed if you're instead scrolling through your Twitter feed.

If you leave with anything after reading this, leave with these two things:

1) De-clutter your social media. Think before your post. Try comparing it against Phillipians 4:8-Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (KJV). 

2) Put it down and look up. Life goes on around you as you walk with your head down. You miss so many wonderful things that way. If you haven't see the video "Look Up" yet, I encourage you to find it and watch it. It has such a great message for everyone consumed by social media. Don't let the nonsocial-ness of social media take away the great life God has planned for you. Look up.