365 Days of Wisdom

Photo by Betsy Weldy

My husband and I got married a little over a year ago. At the time we were all aglow with happiness and great expectations. We had no idea what challenges we would face, starting that very afternoon as we left for our reception. We were simply blissfully happy. Unfortunately, it didn't last too long.

Brendan hadn't been feeling well all day. His throat was sore and he was running a bit of a fever. But, like the awesome trooper that he is, he pushed through it and the wedding went on. I stressed all morning over flowers and arrangements and hair appointments and this and that as every bride probably does but finally calmed down when I arrived at our venue and got into my dress. Although not everything had gone according to plan, it was all working out thanks to the great and much needed support of the bridal party and our families. We got through the ceremony mostly without a hitch and made it to the reception. After working with our wonderful photographer to get some more group shots, we headed back inside for our first appearance as husband and wife. And that's when I started to not feel good. My throat was scratchy and I felt a bit lightheaded. My maid of honor (who doubles as one of the best older sisters ever) filled me up with water and food (both of which I hadn't had a lot of that day) and I thought nothing more of it. Then, that night, when we got to our hotel at the airport, both me and Brendan were so exhausted and so sick that we simply passed out into one of the worst night's sleep I've ever gotten. In retrospect, we probably had a really bad flu or (at least in my case) a nasty respiratory infection and should have stayed home. But, determined that all our plans would work out, we trudged forward, making a long 8 hour journey to Prince Edward Island where we spent the week laying on the couch in our cottage and watching Star Trek reruns.

I tell this story for a simple point-married life is going to turn out the exact opposite of what you think. You make plans and you have dreams and expectations and it all falls through. I'm not saying that it's a horrible, terrible thing; it's exactly the opposite. It's the best thing I have ever done in my life and I'm so, so, so happy that I get to do this for the rest of my days with the best man in the whole entire universe. But it's best to be prepared for what can go wrong and to learn to roll with the punches.

So I wanted to share with you all I learned in this first crazy, wonderful year of marriage. Whether you're single, dating, engaged, just married or have been married for five years or more, I feel this advice from a no-longer newlywed can help every single one of you.

1.Understand that you're both different. So you're now married. You're back from your honeymoon and for the first time you're living under the same roof. He's perfectly fine with a couch, a TV and a bed while she wants pictures on the wall, a dining room table, rugs, end tables, nightstands and things he totally doesn't understand. He just thinks about how much this is going to cost him. And then you argue. What a lot of couples fail to understand, I think, is that men and women are made to be completely different. She's more emotion-based. She wants pretty things and to make a house a home. He's more logic based. If he has a couch to sit on and a bed to sleep in then he's good to go. He doesn't need anything else. He doesn't understand his wife's want to bring in all this additional stuff. And it all gets lost in communication. Understanding and accepting the base of what a man is and what a woman is will go great lengths in helping you improve your marriage. For example:

A woman wants/needs:

• to feel secure/protected
• affection (both physically and emotionally, though primarily she needs the emotional connection)
• conversation (ties in with the previous; sometimes she just wants to talk)
• commitment
• financial support

On the flipside, a man wants/needs

• Respect
• Admiration
• A playmate (someone who will step and do things with him, side-by-side)
• Support
• Physical affection (think Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation")

I could go on and on with this subject (you probably don't want a post that long though) but I think you get my point. We are inherently different and we need to take time to learn those differences and act on them.

Photo by Lilac & Lemon Photography

2. Learn how to communicate. I can't stress how important this one is. And I think it's probably something we'll be working on for the rest of our lives. When Brendan and I were dating, we were doing so over a very long distance that only got longer. We started dating when he was in Alabama finishing up his bachelor's degree at Auburn University (War Eagle!). I was in my senior year of high school (don't worry, I was 18). Our communication, therefore, was all done electronically. Over the phone, over Facebook, texting, Skype, ect. for nearly two years. Over that period of time we visited each other five or six times and even then we only saw each other for around a week (sometimes more, sometimes less) at a time. And when we did visit each other we were almost always surrounded by family (not necessarily a bad thing) so we didn't really have much opportunity for long, just the two of us conversations. So when we got married, on a communication level, we were in some trouble. We didn't really know how to talk to each other face-to-face. So we would get into arguments over small miscommunications. And these arguments could last for hours. Through getting to know one another better and the help of our wonderful leaders in our Sunday school class, Newlywed or Close, we slowly made it through the awkwardness of not really being able to talk to each other without the help of technology to being able to better understand and better communicate. The best I advice I can give you on learning how to communicate is learn how to better understand each other. And from that comes better communication. The other bit of advice is find a couple that's been married for a good number of years and go to them for advice and counseling.

3. Date and have fun. During the first month or so of marriage, you're wrapped up in the joy of being newly married. You make plans and go on date after date. Even cuddling on the couch with a good movie and some popcorn can be a date. But then life catches back up with you. You go back to work and/or school, you end of with piles of undone laundry, dishes, and who knows what else because you just get so busy. Dating falls by the wayside. Sure, you'll try and go see that awesome new movie when it comes out but it'll probably just turn into a quick run to the theater and run back so you can get to bed on time to get up for work. Life so overwhelms you that you forget to make time for each other and you essentially turn into roommates. Sure, you're roommates with benefits but you're also roommates that sooner or later, are going to get into a fight over something because you're not taking the time to invest in your relationship. It doesn't take much really. Just go out and do something simple. Go for a walk. Go out to dinner and a movie. Go kayaking. Go to the beach. Go out for ice cream. Just do something fun where you can talk and reconnect after being so very, very busy with you separate lives. It can even be as simple as sitting down at your dining room table and having dinner together. It doesn't take much. Just go and make some memories.

4. Learn how to resolve your conflicts calmly. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. You are two completely different people. And if you always got along, you wouldn't need each other. Conflict in your relationship can do one of two things-it can push you apart or pull you closer to together. It all depends on how you handle it. On one hand you can yell and call each other names and attack each other until you're blue in the face or you can check yourself and decide to resolve your conflict. And to do that there are several rules you need to follow.

• Don't use words like "never" or "always". They say there is no hope that anything is going to change and make the argument almost pointless for the person on the other side.
• Don't name call. This only makes your spouse angrier and more hurt.
• Don't interrupt when your spouse is speaking.  Listen carefully to the problem and repeat it back to make sure you understand how they feel. Then it can be your turn to say how you feel.
• Own up to how you feel. Don't just attack your spouse by saying "you this" and "you that". Use "I" and own up as to why you are angry.
• Don't attack your spouse. Instead, attack the problem at hand. Attacking your spouse only hurts them more. Instead, work on the problem together, as a team.
• Ask each other for forgiveness. You can say "I'm sorry" and your spouse can accept it, but it doesn't really close out the argument. Instead, ask for forgiveness. It's a more proactive form of closure.
• "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." (Eph. 4:26) My mom used to quote this one to us as kids. And it's very true. Going to bed angry only helps to build up the resentment toward your spouse and makes it worse. Even if you have to stay up late, work out at least your anger before going to sleep. If you need to, resolve the conflict in the morning but get rid of the anger beforehand.

5. Take some time for yourself. I know this one may sound completely hypocritical given the speech I just gave you on taking time for each other, but sometimes you just need to be apart. Whether it's going to play football with your buddies or going on a spa date with your girlfriends, take some time to recharge yourself every once in a while. So take a fitness class, find some running buddies, go shopping, get your nails done, play some video games, go the hair salon, play some golf, or even just sit alone and read a book. Time by yourself or time with your friends can do wonders for the soul and can help you refresh and come back ready to continue working on your relationship with your honey.

6. Volunteer together. We haven't yet been able to find a ministry in which we would like to plant ourselves and volunteer in on a week-by-week basis. But we have been able to volunteer and help other people out before and since we got married. Volunteering is a great way to work on your teamwork and communication. Whether it's helping a friend move or handing out food boxes or helping with Sunday school, volunteering can help your relationship grow and flourish. It's also a great way to give back to the community and to minister to others about Christ.

Marriage is awesome. And my husband is the best, strongest and most wonderful man and I am so thankful God chose to bless me with him. But marriage is also hard. And like anything in life, unless you work at it, it will stagnate and fall apart. So I hope my hard earned wisdom will help you along and make your own journey a little bit easier. Because, genuinely, all we all want to do is to is have a beautiful marriage "until death do us part."

Travel, Travel, Travel

After our wedding we traveled...a lot. I think we traveled more than the hobbits in Lord of the Rings (yes, I just made that reference...Brendan's nerdiness must be rubbing off).

We started off by hiking straight up to Philadelphia after the reception. We spent the night there and then, sick as dogs, got on our first flight. We landed in Toronto about two hours later, waited two hours and then boarded a plane to Halifax. After two hours of waiting (and some dinner) in Halifix, we finally boarded a tiny plane to our final destination, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.
PEI is beautiful. I recommend going at least once in your life. Just bring a good GPS and a general sense of what you want to do. We stayed at Avonlea Cottages in Cavendish and I couldn't have asked for a better place to stay. It was quiet, the cabin was clean and well furnished and the free wifi was handy since neither of us had phone service in Canada.

Lemonade from Prince Edward
Island Preserve Company

Prince Edward is made up mostly of farm land which makes attractions few and far between. We only managed to get out twice because of how sick we were. We went first to Prince Edward Island Preserve Company's restaurant. They had some of the best lemonade and quesadillas I had ever tasted. The wait staff was very friendly and it had a gorgeous view of a lake and farmland from where we sat. Plus they had plenty of adorable tea cups as well in their shop.

Cavendish Cliffs

The second place we went were the Cavendish cliffs. They felt like something out of a Greene Gables book. The wind was cool, the water a clear blue, soft green grass on bare feet, and the red dirt so characteristic to Prince Edward. We spent probably a good hour there before heading back to Charlottetown to go home.

When we finally made it back to the states, we drove down from Philadelphia back to my parent's house. We opened the wedding gifts and talked with my family before falling into an exhausted sleep. The next day we planned to start for Texas early in the morning. We ended up not leaving until after noon because of waking up late and having to pack some extra things. It is at this point that I will give you a very valuable piece of advice that we learned the hard way from our road trip. When making a cross country trip, never, ever, ever, ever book your hotel ahead of time. We booked a hotel for that night in Chattanooga beforehand, planning to leave early and make Chattanooga by 10 or 11 at night. We didn't make it there until around 2 in the morning. We hadn't taken into account having to stop for gas and meals, making our travel time for that day around 14 hours.

The following day we made our start around 10 in the morning. We were to meet up with Brendan's family and one of his friends in Birmingham, Alabama, about 2 hours from where we had stopped the night before. We met at a Cheesecake Factory, still both sick, and had lunch with them before striking out on the road again, determined to make Louisiana before stopping. We made our goal and stopped about 6 hours from our destination of Houston, Texas. We stayed the night in a La Quinta hotel and managed to have a few hours to spend on dinner and a movie before going to sleep.

The next day, after 3 days of travelling, we finally made it to Houston and Brendan's apartment. So, with our adventures traveling all over the North America, let me give you some tips from things we learned the hard way:

• Don't take a long trip to Canada when you don't feel good. Stay home and rest up
• If you're travelling out of the country, make sure to contact your wireless provider and get service for the country you're travelling to
• Plan ahead for a road trip as far as road snacks and food stops go. Makes life a little easier
• Don't book a hotel ahead of time-when you're ready to stop, simply exit the freeway and check with hotels in the area to see if they have vacancies-most of the time, they do
• When taking a road trip, agree on driving shifts ahead of time. For example, switch off at every rest stop

So now we've settled in Texas and started everyday life as newlyweds (mostly, anyway; we're about to move to another apartment). And this Yankee is trying to get used to a new life in Texas.

Post Wedding Round-up

It's been a while since I've had a post. So it's time to bring y'all up to date again (I seem to have to do this a lot, huh?).

Wedding Prep
Our wedding went off mostly without a hitch. The day before we spent somewhere around 12 hours setting up the hall that we used for the wedding. And every single decoration was diy. It helped that just about every single groomsmen was a handyman.

The groomsmen (l to r) Daniel, Tall Chris, Brian, and Isaac,
hang fluff balls.
(Photo by Mark Morgan)



Christina, Yakira, Charis, Deanna, and I worked on centerpiece
bowls.
(Photo by Mark Morgan)

 I wanna give out props to the best man, Brian, who did every single thing Sarai, my maid of honor and wedding coordinator, asked him to do. This is included putting together paper lanterns, making puff balls, hanging both of the aforementioned from the ceiling all around the hall, spending hours up on a ladder, hanging streamers and giving lots of man advice on how things should go.

The girls were great too. They helped put together centerpieces and two bridesmaids, Jaimie and Bethany, designed the flower scheme on the fence that separated the ceremony and reception areas. Brendan's family arrived the night before all the way from Rome, Georgia and spent the whole day helping with us. They helped hang things, arrange centerpieces, and make fluff balls along with going out and getting us lunch.

Jaimie and Bethany, my two closest friends from nursing school, helped me the most by helping me keep my sanity. Toward the end of the day, I was starting to lose it.

Various members of the bridal party, their spouses, and families came and went during the day.  All the groomsmen but one and the photographer all traveled up from Alabama (Brendan knew them all from his days at Auburn University in Alabama). I think all-in-all we had over 30 helpers to set up for the wedding.

In the end the finished product came out great, and not a single bit of it was done by anyone other than ourselves.



The finished product for the ceremony.
(Photo by Sarai Goldsberry)

Best Day Ever!

We went with a Tangled theme for the wedding. I personally love this movie and cannot get enough of it. It's just the kid in me. So, details that every girl loves to know.

The colors: Lavender and yellow, based off of Rapunzel's dress, the kingdom flags, and the floating lanterns.

Photo by Betsy Weldy

The Dress: Rapunzel had lots of flowers in her hair. I had them down the side of my dress and on my sleeves. It had a corset back which originally came with a white tie. We switched it out to a long yellow ribbon to symbolize Rapunzel's hair. The veil my sister Keturah and I handmade. And when I say handmade, I mean literally sitting for about a week with a needle and thread and hand sewing 8 yards of lace to a stretch of silk tulle. It was then attached to a tiara because Rapunzel was princess and every girl is a princess on her wedding day, right? All in all it was a princess cut ball gown that had a cathedral length train and ribbon, modest sleeves and neckline, and a veil reminiscent of Kate Middleton's on her marriage to Prince William (because who didn't love Kate's veil?).

Maid of Honor bouquet
(Photo by Betsy Weldy)

The flowers: The basic theme of Tangled is that this drop of sun fell from the heavens and from it grew a single flower. So we have the sun and flowers so...SUNFLOWERS! I found a bouquet via Google (which was actually really hard to do since not many people use them) and then had my local florist shop recreate various versions of it for my maid  of honor, bridesmaids, groomsmen, my handsome groom, the best man and the parents. All in all the came out great and mine in currently drying out in my apartment. I think I'm going to get some clear Christmas ornament and put the petals inside as my way of preserving it.

Photo by Betsy Weldy

The rings: My engagement ring is a pretty unique ring...and in saying that it was virtually impossible to find a wedding band for it? Solution: most jewelry shops will custom make a band for you. My engagement ring is a Tolkowsky that doesn't yet have a band made for the designer by it. And that's where Kay's Jewelers came in. It meant giving up my ring for about two months (which, if you've had it happen, you know is not an easy thing to do) but the finished product was stunning. As for Brendan, he chose a simple white gold band since he's the kind of guy that doesn't like any kind of frills.

The bridesmaid dresses: These were all handmade by my sister Keturah from a pattern called the Jamie Dress (not sure of the designer). We found some really cute swirly hearts fabric at the local fabric store. With six bridesmaids we ended up buying pretty much all of the fabric they had! The maid of honor's dress was done in a darker shade of purple with the same pattern, resembling a bit more of the kingdom flags than Rapunzel's dress. Then we got them all matching wedge sandals from Payless and these girls were gorgeous!


The gorgeous maids (l to r):
Melody, Keturah, Deanna, Caitlyn, Bethany, Jaimie, and Sarai
(Photo by Mark Morgan)

The boys: Flynn Ryder sported khakis, a blue vest, and a white button up all throughout the movie. Our boys were decked out in similar outfits. We had them buy their suits, rather than deal with a bridal boutique, from Macy's. They wore light gray vests and pants and lavender shirts to give them a Flynn Ryder feel.


The gentlemen (l to r)
Brian, Cameron, Daniel, Tall Chris, Big Chris, Zeke, and Isaac (not pictured)
(Photo by Mark Morgan)



Eliana and Sofia
(Photo by Caitlyn Maloney)

The flower girls: Their dresses were made by my mom since she makes most of their clothes anyway. These little cuties are my youngest sisters. The dresses were made from a fairytale dress pattern in lavender and yellow. Their adorable flower wreaths came from Etsy. And, to match Rapunzel, we had them walk down the aisle barefoot. All in all these little cuties stole the show.

The ring bearer: Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a picture of our adorable ring bearer, Marcus (our wedding pictures aren't in yet). But we dressed him up a yellow vest, shorts, bowtie and newsie cap paired with a white shirt and barefeet just like our little flower girls. And best of all, his pillow was none other than Rapunzel tower companion, Pascal.

Photo by Betsy Weldy

The photographer: Our photographer was Brendan's friend from college, Betsy Weldy (who is also groomsman Cameron's wife). She did a gorgeous job with the pictures that I have seen so far and I can't wait to see the rest. Cameron also took some official portraits and some reception portraits as well with his wife. I personally hate getting my picture taken and feel really awkward when posing for them. But Betsy did really well in making feel comfortable as well as posing us for some really great shotsThey were a great team and really easy and fun to work with.. They also make really great friends.

The caterer: An old friend of the family catered our wedding for us. Since the wedding was at 2:30, there was no need to order a big dinner (which, by the way, will save you a ton of money). We instead had snacks like fruits, veggies, chocolate fountain, sliders, crackers and cheese. Which all tasted amazing and I couldn't have asked for better wedding food.

Cutting the Cake
(Photo by Marinah Boyles)

The cake: Another friend of the family did the cake for us. She's been doing cakes for years and years, probably since before I was born. First off, it tasted amazing and it was a beautiful cake. I found it on Pinterest and together we worked out how to change it to make it work for our wedding. Best of all, I found a cake topper on Etsy that read "Best Day Ever" just like Rapunzel screams while swinging from a tree in the forest.

The rice toss: I added this just because I loved the "rice" that we had for the wedding. You can get it at Michael's Craft Store and if you need to make 100 little baggies of them, I suggest two bags of the stuff. But the rice we used was heart shaped, non harmful to birds, and dissolved in water, which meant, as soon as it rained, it was washed away. That meant we didn't have to try and sweep it all up after the wedding. The rain, the next time it came, went ahead and took care of that for us.

The send off
(Photo by Mark Morgan)

Our day was great (now that I look back on it). Yes, I tripped over the hem of my dress, a lot. Thankfully I had a reception dress to change into. Our ceremony started late because the pastor was late and at the official start time, not many people had showed. But I'm so thankful for all the ones that did. And at the end of the day, we were married. We were both sick at the end of the day too. We managed to catch some kind of flu bug and spent the first three weeks of married life sick. But, as our wedding vows say:

 

For richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health

Until death do us part.

 



Photo by Betsy Weldy



My Daddy and Me
(Photo by Mark McGrath)



My family (l to r)
Back row: Dixie (neice), Katie, Hadassah, Netanya, Y'shua, Big Chris, Israel, Tony (Dad), Sarai
Front row: Yakira, Keturah, Rachel, Sofia, Eliana, Elizabeth (Mom)



The First Dance
(Photo by Mark Morgan)



Mess with us. We dare you
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)




Margaret and Benjamin, my sweet little nephew, during the mother/son dance
(Photo by Mark Morgan)



Oh snap!
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)



The opening prayer
(Photo by Mark Morgan)



The whole gang
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)



Behold! Her ring!
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)



OMG!!!
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)



Sofia, the sweet little flower girl
(Photo by Caitlyn Maloney)



My lovely ladies
(Photo by Hadassah Goldsberry)



The first kiss
And yes, this was our very first kiss. We saved it for our wedding day
(Photo by Mark Morgan)

Gotta Love Homeschooling

So, as part of their Bible, my sisters were supposed to write a summary of the life of the prophet Daniel, based off of the book of Daniel that I think they had just finished reading. This is two of theirs, ages 11 and 12, non-edited.

Danil in the lion's Den (The 12-year-old's)
Some men wanted to kill David so they made a law with the king's seal that you could not worisp any Gods but the king. So any body who did not worishp the king would be thron in to a dem of lion's. After they caut David praying to God. So the told the king. After that he fasted for a whole night and did not slpeep. Then the next day the king put him in the Deon of lion's and sealed it with his seal. the next day David was alive because god preted him from the loin's. thenthe king toke him out and put the men that made the law into the Den with there wives and children and the lion's at them up.

DAnieL 605-530 BC (the 11-year-old's)
The king made DanieL the leader over everything and these guys got jelius. They made a law where whoevever doesnt worship the king gets throne into a den of lions. Well DanieL worshiped god 3 times a day. Then one day those people saw DanieL and threw him into a den of lions. the King was sad and couldent eat or sleep. The next day the King went to the den and moved the stone that sealed the opening. Then he saw that DanieL dident have a single scrach. He was so happy that he took away the law. and the King threw the Peaple who talked him into making that law into the lions den with there wives and children.